Chapter 14: No mas
I don’t like being alone. It sucks. I don’t like being sad. It is the opposite of me. For the past two years i have had to learn to be both of those things and i think the lord wants me to learn a bit longer and that, above all, is the worse part. Life is a giant learning experience and i dig that but boy is it rough. Recently i feel like my lesson has been titled “Don’t express your feelings and be alone.” I am not going to do this stuff anymore. I am not going to say things just to see how others will react or have everything i do be about what others think of me. I am going to be alone. My face will always be the same, it doesn’t change because i am used to pleasing others but on the inside i am going to be alone. Part of me thinks that if i wasn’t a waiter i should take a vow of silence but that’s is stupid…right? However, i am not doing this silly Tumblr or Facebook nonsense. It doesn’t help me with anything….only makes me ponder on things gone. This weird lady from my church told a girl once that “depression was a giant black hole that grabs you and won’t let go.” Well, although she makes strange faces and puts her feet on a chair in church i think she is right. At least it seems that way…
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